Goodness over Disrespect

Friday Morning, January 17, 2014......a bright sunny, COLD day!  I am so excited to be spending the entire weekend with "most" of my children and grandchildren!

The purpose of posting on my Blog is to remind me of my highs and lows in my Journey as a Therapeutic Harpist.  It's so easy for my Facilities, Days, Patients and situations to run together over time.  I think every patient and every situation has value and that all patients should be remembered long after they are gone.  I have helped them with my Service of Therapeutic Music and in return they have helped me be a better, more compassionate human being.  I also know that life is not always perfect or fair and I experienced this yesterday while playing for a dying patient.

This was to be the second and last time I played for this beautiful lady and her family.  I stopped in on this Patient on Sunday while at the Facility with my Companion.  I will call her "Tony".  She was at end stage cancer and very much in pain.  When I entered the room, one of the family members said, "Oh my God, I just said out loud, why is there no Music?"..."she is a Musician".  I was so grateful to have the honor of playing for her.  She loved it, not having much strength to respond or communicate, she just smiled a few times and closed her eyes.

Yesterday, 4 days later, as I was parking my car her Husband was in the parking lot leaving to pick up a family member at the airport and said to me, "can you go see her now?  it might not be long and I am hurrying and she may be waiting for this loved one to get there".  It broke my heart to see a man in such an emotional panic...do I leave my wife?  will I get back in time?...Death has no clock.

So of course I am immediately tuned up and off to the room where I found their Daughter, in her late teens, sitting with her Mom, holding her hand and crying.  As soon as I entered and saw the patient's breathing I knew it was only a matter of a few hours, if that.  I was also aware of the roommate's TV BLARING and behind the curtain were loud voices laughing and talking.  Ok, when I start playing for this Dying Woman, surely they will quiet down.  NOT NOT NOT

I set up as close to "Tony's" head as possible and began to play softly...then louder because I could hardly hear my Harp over these women.  Let me mention that the roommate is Ambulatory and CAN leave the room...my dying patient can not.

After a few minutes the Daughter is so upset over the noise she gets up and shuts the door to block the hallway noise but it did nothing to discourage these folks on the other side of the curtain.  So, when the Nurses came in to turn my patient, they put pulled the curtain over me and I was then sitting with the roommate and her visitors....so as an advocate for my patient, I explained to them that my patient was dying and I was giving her and her family some peaceful music.  The 3 of them just looked at me, one rolled her eyes and one said, "what do you want us to do?"  So I asked that they speak softly and turn down the TV so the patient can hear the music.  Reasonable, I thought.......nope, as soon as the curtain was pulled they started again.

As if it wasn't loud enough, a 4th person and then a 5th person came in to the room and now they are having a party, celebrating a birthday.  As the noise level grew, the Daughter became more distraught so I suggested she go get a Nurse and ask them to quiet down or to leave and celebrate in another area...Dining Room, Day Room, Computer Room, Lobby?????  The Nurse did just that and they said they would be a bit quieter but planned on continuing their Celebration.

I was there for 1 Hour...if anything, the noise level increased.  I have never in my life seen such lack of compassion and respect.  I think what bothered me more was the spitefulness.  I did send the Activities Director an email last night, asking what policies the Facility has in place for this situation.  She is wonderful and I know she will reply ASAP.

Now for the good news....when I entered the room I chatted for a minute with the Daughter, getting some background on the Patient's immediate condition.  I asked if she was responding in any way and the Daughter told me when she is answering, she moves one side of her lip.  So I spoke to "Tony" and told her I was going to play the Harp for her and her lip moved...she heard me and was thankful.  As I played unfamiliar and non-rhythmic improve for her the Daughter asked if there was anything familiar that her Mom might know.  Playing for the Dying is not just for the Dying....but for the family and staff around that person.  As a Therapeutic Musician, our job is to provide music that is peaceful, restful and in the music, giving breaks in sound so the patient can pass.  When you play familiar music, one tends to hang on to this world and no one wants to prolong their suffering.  With that said, it is not just about the Patient so the first tune I play is "You Are my Sunshine".  Halfway through the Daughter stands up and grabs a tissue and wipes one tear from her Mother's Eye.  "Tony" sang this tune to her Children.  As I finished up the Tune the Daughter asked that I play it a couple more times.  Again, it's about the Family as well as the Patient.

I left the Daughter with a hug and the hopes that "Tony" would have a peaceful passing.  I so wanted to stay with her for the day but I had a long list of patients to see that day, all deserving of Therapeutic Music.  I went to "Tony's" bedside and told her I was leaving and I wanted her to listen to all the Harp Music that was in her head.  I spoke the line from the song, "you make me happy, when skies are grey".  She moved her lip.

UPDATE:
This morning I received an email from the Activities Director of the Facility who was outraged over this.  Immediate action was taken and the Patient and her Family were moved to a Private Room to have a peaceful environment with what little time the Patient has left.  I am so grateful for the swift and compassionate response from this Facility and especially the Activities Director.