Wednesday Evening, January 15, 2014....foggy, rainy and cold. Just about where it should be for mid-January!
Today, after a 3 week absence (due to the Flu...probably picked up from the Facility) I returned in a Volunteer Capacity to one of the Facilities I did my Internship Hours. It is Long-term Nursing. I am scheduled to be employed there when they move into their new Facility...first it was November...then December....January.....surely February....nope...found out today...at least March. Which means I keep myself in the minds and hearts of the Staff and Patients by Volunteering, or I throw in the towel and move on. Of course, I love my Patients there and the Staff is so loving and caring....they are all "getting it" when it comes to Therapeutic Music. I have educated them well and to have it validated and appreciated by them all...from the Kitchen to the PT Unit, the Admissions Director, the Office Staff, the Aids, Nurses and Staff....they have all been a part of my Journey. So you are probably asking why they don't just hire me. Well, the wheels of a large corporation turn slowly and frugally. They are given a Budget to work with..."per patient". When they move to the new, large facility the Budget will increase...hence I will be employed. I will continue to volunteer, appreciating what employment I currently have. It was wonderful to be there again today, but as in most days, it started out on a sad note.......
I got my updated list of Patients...and below the names are the Patients that have passed since my last visit. At the top of the list was Ms. S....in my previous posts I spoke of her and how she never responded to anyone in anyway....until I brought her the Harp. The Director and Staff stood in the doorway and cried at the amazing change in her as I played......but she has passed and I am so grateful to have given her that joy when she had no other. Saddness
I went to play for Ms D...cranky Ms D.....and she flat refused...normally I would sit outside her door and play but today she looked so sick and sad. She really did mean she didn't want anything...so I decided not to push it. One thing I have learned as a Therapeutic Musician is to be respectful, regardless of the level of function physically or mentally...everyone deserves respect.
I traveled on to visit one of my favorites Ms. L.....but she was not in her room....I have never seen her out of bed so I found a Nurse and she told me she was in the Dayroom.....wow, there she was sitting up in her wheelchair. Also in the room were 4 other Patients so I decided to just play there. The entire time I was playing the Gentleman sitting next to me was asking me for water. Pleading for water...please just a little drink of water....I know he can not have anything by mouth, as he has lost his ability to swallow and would choke to death. But it's so hard to ignore someone's plea for something so basic. I pushed through, smiling at the lady to my left that was so loving the music that she fell asleep smiling. Across from me was Ms L....moving around, looking in all directions the entire time. I think she loves the Music, but is unable to express it. Next to her is a beautiful lady who is quite crippled and has to look at you sideways, as she can't move her head. In spite of her physical disabilities, her smile makes her absolutely beautiful. When I finished I asked her if she enjoyed the Music and she tried to shake her head yes and a huge smile....I told her I would be back to play again for her and again....biggest smile. Heartwarming
I was excited to see my two favorite men....Mr. A and Mr. N. Mr. A always sings and asks if his Wife comes to see him and if she loves him. Mr. N had quit eating until I bribed him with Music. When I entered the room my heart sank. Mr. N was so frail and placed in Hospice Care. I wanted to hug him. As I was taking this all in I heard Mr. A ask if his Wife had been to see him. When I looked up my heart sank again....he also is placed in Hospice. I did manage to get Mr. N to open his eyes and smile when I called his name and told him I was going to play my harp for him. And Mr. A did sing a few tunes, half-heartedly, but the 2 sweet men that I so enjoyed seeing are slowly leaving this world and it truly brakes my heart. Inevitable
I have ways of coping with the deaths of Patients that I have grown to love. It's important that I have my little ceremony to let go of the grief that I feel when they pass. It comes with the job, regardless of the Facility. Yesterday at another Facility a sweet man I played for passed during the night. So you are often greeted with this unsettling news. I suppose I could get burned out quickly if I forget why I am there and what kind of an impact Therapeutic Music has on the Sick and Dying. When I think of the joy, peace, spiritual healing, relief from pain, memory recall and the complete healing environment that the Harp creates around them, I am pleased with my work. My favorite Tune to play is "Ode to Joy"...it always fits the situation. I am Dedicated
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