I am Strong and Grateful

Saturday Morning, January 11, 2013.....a dark, rainy morning but cozy.  I am grateful

This was a very emotional week for me and I am careful to take care of myself by eating well, getting enough rest and venting (thank goodness for my Husband and friends) to release this tension and saddness.  My best friend's Mom passed away this week and it's so hard to believe she is gone.  She has been part of our lives for over 30 years and I know exactly how my friend feels....I think we revert back to when we were little kids when your last Parent passes.....you really are on your own.  I was honored to play my Harp as a prelude to the Mass at her Funeral.  I am not a performer so I was a little nervous...but I told myself I was doing a Therapeutic Session for "the Masses"  lol......it worked!

One of the things that I found important in my Course Studies were the chapters on caring for yourself while you are doing the Service of Therapeutic Music.  To allow yourself to grieve when you loose a Patient, or play for someone who is so dreadfully sad.  I don't think you could do this work for very long if you didn't have an outlet and a way to let go of the stress.  Fortunately, I do see the good and the beauty in the world, despite the saddness.....my cup is always 1/2 full.

So this takes me to my Patients last week.  My first Patient was a lady, I will call her C.  I am not sure why she is bed-bound, but she is on oxygen and I have played for her many times.  I hadn't seen her for about 4 weeks, so when I came to her door she just lit up.  I explained I had been sick and she looked at me and said, "I am sick too, aren't I?"......well what do you say to that?  So I played her favorite tunes and she immediately lowered her bed and closed her eyes.  She told me as I was leaving that having Music was more important to her than having food.

From there I went to Ms B....I see a deterioration in her condition in the last few weeks.  She loves Irish Music and before I even start playing she has her hands crossed over her chest and her eyes closed.  Sometimes I chuckle to myself, it's like she is "in position" to be healed.....Body, Mind and Spirit.  She has told me many times that when I play she travels from her bed and walks in the grass outside her window.  She says it smells fresh and clean out there.

Off to see my 2 special Ladies...M and J.  I love playing for them.  Both are failing, but M cracks me up.  She doesn't raise her bed anymore, she just lays on her back, waving her hands in the air to the music....singing softly.  She loves the Music and when I am done she just lays there smiling with her eyes closed.  J loves her Hymns and I believe they are both truly healed in Spirit when I leave their room.

On my way to my next Patient I stopped by to visit Ms. A......she is transitioning and I am prepared for her to be gone when I get there tomorrow.  I played for her a few days ago and had a little response from her but this past Session she never opened her eyes or responded in any way.  Just a peaceful rest with very shallow breathing.  She is a beautiful lady, probably in her late 80's.  I knew she heard the Harp but I also knew she had no strength.  As I was leaving I noticed her eyes were open a little so I went to her bedside and called her name....to my surprise she opened her eyes wide and looked at me.  I asked her if she liked the Music and she gave me a beautiful smile.....so I told her the Music was still in her head and she could listen to it over and over.  Another big smile, I was so happy she engaged with me, as it may have been the last time.

So now I have been playing for 2 hours, as each Session is 30 minutes.  My fingers and back are telling me one more patient and then I need to call it a day....so off I go to visit a new Patient....a screamer.  All I can say about this Patient is ......unimaginable pain.  24/7 pain.  No relief from pain.  The young husband explained the medical reasons for the pain, but I still can't fathom it.  He was so grateful for the Harp.....even though the patient had repeated outbursts of pain he said it was 1000 x's better than it normally is...can you imagine?????  better???  At one point she was moaning and the husband had his head in his hands crying and he said to his wife...."honey are you singing"

Today is a day of recuperation for me.  I am going to clean my house, do my laundry, record my last requirement for my course, go to the grocery store and play mindless rock and roll on my Jukeboxes.  Tomorrow I am back to work, bringing healing to my Lady....and if Ms. A is still with us, I will slip in her room and play for her too.  I am so grateful for what I have and what I am able to do.